Like a lot of movies I watch, I have no idea what they are about before I see them. This one especially. Some details: it is a Finnish movie, so you’ll probably need subtitles for it, the title translates to Inner Trial in English, and girls from Finland are hot. See Marja Salo below, not the best picture but whatever, you gotta watch it to see more.

The main character Noa goes on a self discovery using drugs and some old geezer who is completely nutty and I guess he created some sort of culture of his own. Noa and Ronja (that hottie) go off and on in a relationship during the movie. A very low budget movie but I think it has some interesting and thought provoking dialogue. It will get you thinking about your surroundings and about reality. Sort of akin to Waking Life.

So to figure out the answers to life and the universe (I’m guessing Noa didn’t read The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy), he goes on a drug binge with the old wackjob geezer. And quite an intense trip if I say so myself.

After the trip through time and space, Noa realizes drugs aren’t the answer (and that it WAS 42 the whole time) and that he’s just about lost Ronja the hottie. They all meet up at this music festival in the woods and do shrooms and get lost yadda yadda. Police take the old geezer away because hes just too nutty. In the end Noa and the hottie hookup, geezer gets out of psych ward and I still have no idea what I just saw.  Probably best to watch this inebriated on {insert drug here} or not watch at all. I’d prefer Waking Life to this movie.

Another film that came recommended to me. I had literally no idea what this was about going into it. I didn’t even IMDB it, don’t worry I won’t ruin it for you. Anyway, it’s directed by Michael Haneke, who’s known for his sorta “reality vs. media” type films. He likes to have a lot of reality in his films, and in this particular one, real fish really did die. Main plot of the story: a couple is dissatisified with their lifestyle and want to change it.

The first hour is incredibly boring and I just about turned it off. Watch the first 5-10 minutes and you’ve seen the first hour. After you’ve forwarded an hour you can finally sit down and enjoy it. What I love about the film (and possibly other films of Haneke’s) is the photography. A lot of close up shots that you never see.

Ok, so thar be spoliers ahead!

If you read past this I’m going to assume you have seen the movie or you don’t care hah. They decide to go to Australia so they don’t need anything. They sell off their car, get all their money out of the bank, etc. Then some weird shit happens. They start destroying the house. I don’t know wtf is going on now. Flushing all their money?!?! WTF!!?!? It’s not like we’re going to the moon here folks, you can exchange your money in Australia. When they start talking about death I don’t know what to think. Someone gonna die? But what really did it is when they showed the needle/syringe.

I don’t know why they decided killing themselves and their kid was a good idea. I’m led to believe this was based on a true story, I haven’t looked to see if that’s true or not.

This is a long, drawn out film. It could have been done in an hour. It’s got an interesting message, which I’m not sure I totally understand yet or not, but if you get the chance to watch this, be sure to skip the one hour of nothingness. Or watch a different movie. I don’t think I’ll be watching this film again.

Buy it on Amazon

The Seventh Continent

Anton Peschke (Cinematographer). Kino Video 2006, DVD, $10.69

This movie was a recommendation from one of our readers. They also said it was Takeshi Kitano’s favorite movie. Whether or not that’s true, I don’t know. Anyway, let me tell you about this movie. The plot is simple. Girl gets pregnant and her father wants the baby’s dad dead. Though to find out who the baby’s dad is, the girl’s father snaps her arm because she won’t talk. This happened in the first 5 minutes so I knew it was going to be a good movie.

So the hunt is on for the father, dead or alive. The movie takes place in mostly rural parts of Mexico with some beautiful scenery shots. Without going into detail, a bartender and his hooker of a girlfriend go on a quest to find the guy and collect the bounty, who she claims is already dead.

There are a couple surprises I won’t divulge while they are on their quest. But they do find the grave of the guy they are looking for. A shootout or two later the head is returned to El Jefe at the Mexican ranch in return for the money, but that wasn’t enough. Now we’ve got to kill the Mexican gang boss. Lordy. This is pretty wtf for the time period, and overall a very good movie. If you get the chance, give it a watch, it’s worth it.

Buy it on Amazon

Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia

Helmut Dantine (Producer). MGM (Video & DVD) 2005, DVD, $7.23

I think a lot of people have at least heard of this movie. It is one of my personal favorites. The Holy Mountain, from genius Alejandro Jodorowsky,  is about a group of people that seek immortality from The Holy Mountain. The character you meet first is suppose to be a Jesus-like guy, who also has a small torso that follows him around, oh, and hookers.

You get to experience some South American history played out with the use of frogs dressed up as Conquistadors as the hand-less, leg-less torso guy follows the Jesus-like guy around town. I’ll spare the wackness you get to see, as it is just too nutty for me to explain.

The Jesus-like character finds a mentor (who is played by Jodorowsky himself), who becomes the teacher for a group of (crazy ass) people looking for the Holy Mountain. This guy is awesome. The other members of the group are from different planets, each one gives an introduction of their planet and businesses. The journey to the Holy Mountain is quite epic and my writings will nowhere near give it the credit this movie deserves. Whatever Jodorowsky was smoking when he thought of this, I want some.

Overall, great movie, a must watch. It might not all make sense to you at first, but give it your full attention. This movie is on our Top 10 List of WTF Movies. Bet you didn’t know you could turn your excrement into gold did ya?

Buy it on Amazon

The Holy Mountain

Starz / Anchor Bay 2007, DVD, $14.25

or get three of Jodorowsky’s films for one price:

The Films of Alejandro Jodorowsky (Fando y Lis / El Topo / The Holy Mountain)

Starz / Anchor Bay 2007, DVD, $24.49